Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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