I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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