I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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