everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
