Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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