I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
