The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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