went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
