I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
