I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
