that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
