Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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