just survived the first fart of the relationship.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
