She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
