break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
