my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
