Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
