It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
