Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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