She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The power of my boobs compel you
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
