I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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