In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Are my feet made of real feet?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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