It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
