My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
