life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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