her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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