you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
