hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
