A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
