Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize