Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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