Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Randomize
