i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
