When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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