Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We need to get me chipped asap
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