I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize