When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
