Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
