dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
