If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
