I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
