Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
