i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
