If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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