ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
