she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
