dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I could fuck to npr.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
