She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
PANTIES FOUND
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
