why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
