So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
