of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
