Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize