just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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