What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
