hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize