you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
