operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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