i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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