this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
