dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
