Can Purell be used as lube?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
