Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
