My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize