We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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