I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize