I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
