Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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