On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
