I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
