Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Randomize
