Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
