THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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