I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
