I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
