Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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