A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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