I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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