Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
