you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
